30 Dec 2010

My Worst Meals of 2010

I ALREADY wrote about my top 10 of 2010. But what about my least enjoyable mealtime moments? Chicken drumstick roll, please...
10. Raoul’s, Maida Vale. Lamb as greasy as Demis Roussos.
9. Wahaca, Soho. Dishes lacked distinguishing form or redeeming charm. Loos unloved. Website antagonising.
8. ‘Feuillette 132’, Chablis. For the olfactory onslaught of a degustation of wares from five producers of the Devils sausage, Andouillete. A 1.5hr factory tour preceded, sickness followed.
7. Nathan’s Famous, Coney Island, New York. Chilli of chilli dog was squelchy and came back to haunt while dog was sagging.
6. Tom Aikens. Stuffy, sombre, devoid of warmth. Dishes camouflaged under preponderance of tangly, earthy leaves. Foul pricing, unlovely chef.
5. Nahm. Decor evocative of a budget hotel breakfast room. Uneven service. Lychee dessert evoked cyanide marinated testicle (I imagine).
4. Fire and Stone, Covent Garden. Christmas dinner semolina pizza came with brie and without Brussels sprouts. The PR looked on with a plastic smile.
3. Alain Ducasse at The Dorchester. For the still bleeding, uncuttable duck breast.
2. Del’Aziz deli, Fulham. Big, bad, bilious brunch began with tepid cappuccino manufactured with spite from milk many times re-heated and served in a mug saline with saliva.

And in joint worst first place:
1. Mao Tai, Parson’s Green. Scottish razor clams were systematically spoiled not one, but ‘three ways’. One dish never arrived. Too many chairs rendered the conservatory a diner prison. Arrogant owner.
1. Hotel Rotary, Geneva. Shockingly expensive room service chicken tikka; shabby breakfast decanted from multiple tins. Ashen scrambled eggs (with abundant cheese) were reacquainted with kitchen three times. We scurried before the fourth plated profanity could occur...