Mugged by Fishcakes

'Nothing, like something, happens anywhere...'

[Philip Larkin]

Pictured, boasting GNER livery and designer glasses: the ruler of the rails, London to Edinburgh. Within the serene reserve of the buffet car, I chose orange coits of fish bathing in a slick of Gazpacho and chives. Like ever other fish cake I have stabbed, they were infuriatingly mild. My smug companions did rather better with their Premium ‘Signature’ Burgers. Substantial Aberdeen Angus patties offered with decent chutney and Piccalilli relish. Prosecco rinsed proceedings.

Thank goodness, the cheesecake was okay (all right, excellent) albeit in a spongiform-textured manner. And the expectedly distopic BR coffee wasn’t too much like licking a silty riverbed.

Our band of travelling sommeliers were headed to ‘The Balmoral’, Rocco Forte’s first hotel. With no fewer than three restaurants, it did seem masochistic to furnish every room with an excruciatingly accurate scale. And my shower spontaneously veered from arctic cool to hotter than the sun. The trouser press conferred razor sharp creases, however.

‘Nantua Les Deux’ ‘06, second wine of cult creator Giaconda of Victoria, Australia, was the most appealing white we served. A Chardonnay dimpled with (men are from) Marsanne, it had a distinctive nose of Dulce de leche, hazelnut and mint leaf. An uplifting long-lived, but occasionally slacking palate followed. Age will append definition.

GNER Holdings – London to Edinburgh