'Property of Marco Pierre White'
'MIRABELLE', Anglo-Italian MARCO PIERRE White's supposed flagship, is where I have just been. Not Mirabelle in West Runton, Norfolk (which looks quite fun), but the other one stuffed into a glitter-balled, crepe wall-papered Mayfair basement wardened by obnoxious, ill-trained, prissy crétinés...
The food was plastic-play in consistency. Tables doused in the funereal odour of too many lillies missed napkins. The practically begged-for wine list was Beefeater-chain in physique, being the format up from A3 (and bearing booze mark-ups as epic as the alledged oager-owner's ego). A desire to drink French in a French restaurant was rendered ridiculous by the sheer exuberance manifest in the costly selection, hence a reliable Oz-offering, Vasse Felix - Adams Road '03 was appreciated if only for its anaesthetisingly sturdy alcohol level.
A gaudy Mediterranean-styled fish ashtray bearing the slogan 'Property of Marco Pierre White' was liberated by way of compensation.